Snake Fight: attacks by mother nature

First off, I don't need PETA all over me...I don't hate on you for wanting to save the snakes so don't hate on me for wanting to skin them.  As you might have assumed I HATE snakes and lizards and am terrified of them as well. Having been bit twice in the last 6 months by a copperhead I feel I am entitled to that hatred. I don't mean jump and scream terrified... I mean throw up and cry, possible phobia! I HATE THEM. Well, the other evening as I was finishing my shower when I noticed one of those little inch/ two inch long clear little ghecko things run across my bathroom wall. I lost it. My first response was to run. Which is unusual because my normal flight/ fight reaction is fight however I just ran. Pantless...down my hallway. I dunno where I was going? Perhaps to Charlie's room to save the girls? Ya know, to save them from the big bad two inch godzilla lizard? I got to her door and realized I had ran and proceeded to run BACK to my bathroom, still...pantless...once in the bathroom I decided to fight the beast. Usually on any given day I have AT LEAST one pair of shoes in my bathroom or in my bedroom floor..but NO I just happen to be on this whole cleaning/organization kick! I frantically looked around for a weapon as the lil devil watched and I finally decided on a candle stick (I realize this is begining to sound like a bad game of clue...it was the pantless mom, in the bathroom, with the candlestick! lol) as I struck at the wall I realized what I thought was the lizard was indeed NOT so I then begin to curse about needing glasses. I gave a few more blind wacks and then decided he had escaped. I removed everything from the bathroom....my trashcan, my rug, opened cabinets, I woulda taken out the toilet had I been able too...nothing. I closed the door ( because clearly that will keep him in there) and prayed I would be able to sleep some because now I know I will swear he is in bed with me!!!THIS IS WHY REPTILES BELONG ON HANDBAGS... fast forward a few nights and again, getting out of the shower and I see this black tail like object out from under my cabinet. I knew it was a snake! I froze and felt like I could faint. NOOOOO! I thought this will not be how I die, naked in my shower from a devil worm! I was about to cry when I noticed it hadn't moved....it is dead I thought! How? WHY? Praise GOD! ...I stepped out and slipped ...down I fell, towel flies off I see ( what I still think is a possibly dead snake) move and I began to cry. Yep naked, on my back in the shower, I cried. "This is it, this is how i leave this world" I thought as I laid frozen in fear when I realized my foot was ON the "snake". I finally got brave enough to look and my fear of dying quickly turned into " I wanted to die" as i realized that I had just had a near death fight with a BRA STRAP! Jesus take the wheel people! If I didn't think I was crazy, now I have confirmed it....

I am not sure where mother nature got confused about what her roles is, but heffer needs to watch snow white. The creatures should be making me a dress, and folding laundry NOT trying to take me out! The snake bites, the bird, the lizard..... let's all chill out and go back to Disney style wild life shall we.